go on

2009-09-27T23:54:00.000-07:00

Right, i know if im not going to start things proper, everything is going to die.

If im not going to get this straight, everything is going to die.

If im not going to pick things up, everything is going to die.

I don't want to compete. But when im in a race, i know i gotta win. Its this endless fighting and struggle that transformed me into someone else. Im evil, im selfish, im a loser. I fail, I cry, I curse, I scream, I feign. And then i lifted my head higher, i looked down, i hate, i harm......became numb, and then i turned around. Where is everyone? Who were my competitors, where are they? Who were my supporters? Where are they?

No...no one was there in the first place. I can't carry on running towards the finishing point. I need to turn back and find where is my starting point, i need to find myself back. I need the initial warmth that i had, i need to feel my beating heart once again, i need to feel contented and fulfiling as before. I do not believe that the world can be this cold, i do not believe i can be this numb, i do not believe that i can go on expressionless for my whole life, i do not believe that i cannot break this emptiness.

I must not give up.
I need to do this, for myself.

2009-07-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

missing.

freezed

go on